The Ringer on My Phone is Usually Off

Timing is Everything

Diary: Tuesday May 11, 2021

After my call with Dr. Singh, I programmed his contact details into phone. IF I start to bleed again I have a number to call. My manifesting was straight forward, repeating the mantra “I will be fine. Someone is overseeing my care. I am safe. My healing is in progress. I am safe.” 

I skipped my morning yoga. The nausea was too debilitating. Around 6 pm I felt strong enough and motivated to do a few poses. As usually once on the mat a few poses became an hour long sequence. Its always the first step I find the most challenging. I did my regular endo sequence but instead of a shoulder stand with all the props, I decided to simply use the bolster with my legs up the wall in viparita karani. I arranged two blankets, rolled into the pose and belted my legs. The phone was just beside my hand since I use the timer for inversions. It rang. I sighed. “Why didn’t I turn the ringer off? I asked myself. I looked a the screen:

Dr Singh’s Clinic

“Wow” I said to myself before answering. “Siobhan?” A male voice asked. “Yup. Hi. How are you?” I responded. “Its Dr. Singh calling” he said.  “Hi, yes. I recognise your voice. How are you?” I repeated. For some reason I was no longer intimated and spoke casually. “It looks like we might be able to get you in for surgery next week. We should be able to confirm by tomorrow.”  “Wow” I responded in a very slow I can’t-believe-this-is-real way.  “That IS amazing. I’m bleeding at the moment so I’m literally upside down in a yoga pose with my legs up the wall to help manage the stress and slow the bleeding.”

There was a pause on the line.

“Yoga. Ah yeah, I remember.” There was another brief pause. “You women are so amazing. You suffer to such an intense level yet you get on with it. If men experienced the same level of castration that women undergo, there would be a revolution.” I laughed. He continued “Ok so, if this goes ahead, the hospital is going to call. Are you still ok with a day procedure?” I quickly responded “Yes, if you feel that that is the best way forward, definitely.”  He was quiet for another moment. “When the hospital calls, you have to sound weak. I know you are, but you sound upbeat right now. I’m serious. Your situation is urgent but we need to convince the hospital that you need this surgery. It is urgent but well, you know, the administration needs to believe it. We should know by tomorrow.” We ended to call and I slid out of the posture and lay on the floor staring at the ceiling. “This is unreal” I said to myself. I stood up and walked downstairs.